Change of Plans
by detective-wiseass
Summary: Maura and Jane each take some much needed vacation, but neither of them finds their time away going according to plan. One-shot.


_ He's not worth it. He's not worth it._

The entire plane ride back to Boston from North Carolina Jane spent mentally kicking herself.

_You did the right thing. He wasn't worth it._

A good portion of the ride was spent fighting back tears.

_Now just forget all of it._

Try as she might to distract herself, her abruptly ruined vacation was all she could think about.

Her mother picked her up at Logan Airport at just after one in the morning.

"Thanks for coming, Ma. You didn't have to," she said quietly as she accepted a tight maternal embrace.

"Of course I'm gonna pick up my girl when she comes back alone from…," but she didn't finish.

Jane just looked at her. "It's a quarter after one in the morning, Ma. I could've called a cab."

Her mother just sighed and picked up Jane's one carry-on.

The ride back to Jane's apartment in the Can O' Espresso car was silent save for the _swash swash _of the windshield wipers sweeping the rain away. Angela Rizzoli knew better than to ask what happened. Just the fact that her daughter was coming home three days early – and alone – was enough. She could fill in the blanks, even if the story that resulted broke her heart and infuriated her in equal measures.

"Ma. Quit looking at me like I'm about to melt."

"How's a mother supposed to look when her only daughter is hurting?" Angela retorted, stung. She pulled up to the curb right at Jane's address.

Jane sat there, still and silent. Her eyes were on some insignificant point on the dashboard, completely unfocused. Her mother grabbed her hand.

"Jane. Talk to me, baby. Are you gonna be okay?"

Jane looked at her. Her smile did most of the lying. "Yeah, Ma. I'm gonna be okay. Thanks for the ride."

She pushed open the door and stepped into the rain. There was no mistaking the air of defeat in that slow walk up the steps.

"Rizzoli! Back early?" Cavanaugh said as Jane strode past his office door.

"Morning, Lieutenant." She stopped to lean on the doorframe.

"Good to have you here again. Hope you're ready to work, Detective."

Jane smiled. Good. Something to keep her busy. "Always, sir."

"Korsak will have some paperwork ready for you when you get there."

Jane nodded and finished the walk to the squad room. Some of the usual spring in her gait returned with her renewed sense of purpose. Justice needed to be served, regardless of any personal crisis of hers. Today, she would be a detective. That was all that was required of her.

By the time she reached the homicide floor, she almost felt that the day was hers for the taking. It seemed silly, but all of her colleagues expressing their pleasant surprise at her early return was slowly lifting her self-confidence from below street-level.

Korsak hung up the phone as she walked in. "Jane! That was Cavanaugh saying to expect you."

Jane rolled her eyes. "He likes to stay a step ahead, doesn't he?"

Korsak laughed briefly, then sobered. "So, I thought you and Casey…?" He trailed off after a look at Jane's face. She did not want to talk about her trip with Casey. "Listen, you're right. I'll get details from you later. Right now," he lifted a manila folder with a familiar name Sharpied on the tab, "one of your cold cases just opened back up early this morning. Two bodies have been found, with at least one showing remarkably similar patterns to previous murderers."

Jane nodded as she took the folder from him and started flipping through.

"I've been riding point in your…absence, but you're more than welcome to take back over now that you're here."

"Thanks. So, is there a crime scene I can take a look at?"

"Sure, I can take you down there now. I was just out the door myself, when Cavanaugh called about you."

_No rest for the wicked, _Jane thought.

Just a quick overview of the crime scene was enough to convince Jane that it was the same unsub as the profile in her cold case. Soon, the body was bagged and being trucked away in the ME's van, and the last few photographs of the scene were being snapped, rapid fire.

Jane straightened and leaned back, arms crossed. She gave Korsak a confirming glance. "It's him. Definitely."

"Thought you'd say so." He was tucking a ubiquitous shard of plastic into an evidence baggy with tweezers. "I have to agree." He passed the bag off to a crime scene tech. "Shall we head back? You won't want to miss the autopsy."

_Sure would be a nice "welcome home" present if we could finally bag this guy, _she thought with a grim smile at Korsak.

Korsak had to take another call the moment they returned to the station, so Jane rode the elevator by herself. After only one floor down, she grew wary of being alone with her thoughts.

_Stop thinking about Casey. Don't think about him. He doesn't want you; why should you want him? _It had quickly become a mantra as she listened to the sound of a steel box being lowered down, down, down. She finally got off and decided to take the stairs the rest of the way down. She needed something physical to do so her mind would be distracted.

Besides, she was in no hurry to be stuck in the morgue with Dr. Pike.

Jane and Maura had both discovered around the same time that they had each accumulated a significant amount of unused vacation time. The days had been unusually slow in homicide recently, so they both agreed to take advantage of the time. Maura was going to meet up with her adoptive parents in France to spend a week or two with them. Casey had rotated back early from Afghanistan, and had convinced Jane to take a trip with him to North Carolina. He'd said he wanted to treat her to something special.

Their time together had been going great, until Jane got tired of him taking calls from a person he wouldn't talk about. She tried to convince herself she was being too possessive, unnecessarily jealous.

Then one afternoon, she came back from a swim in the hotel pool, and found him in bed with another woman.

Jane tried to stay rational and composed long enough for him to explain himself. But as soon as he said, "I want someone who can be a _wife_, Jane," she lost it.

There was a body that had yet to be opened on the exam table, but the morgue was otherwise empty when Jane slipped in. After a quick 180-degree look around the cold, stark space, she backed out and went to the crime lab instead. She cornered Senior Criminalist Chang – the only familiar face in this part of the BPD building.

"Where's the ME, Susie?" she felt almost bad having to ask. She knew Susie Chang was still rather intimidated by her, despite all the time she spent down here, and despite her close relationship with Dr. Isles.

Susie unconsciously backed up a step, clipboard held close to her chest. "Went for more latex gloves. We ran out. Should be back at the exam table shortly." She managed a smile.

Jane smiled back. She realized the frustration she'd been feeling was coming across in an aggressive vibe. _Back off, Rizzoli_, she admonished herself. "Okay. Thanks, Susie." She slunk back into the morgue, carelessly bumping the double doors open with her elbow as she reviewed the information in her manila folder.

"Susie, I found another box of – Jane!"

Jane's head snapped up, dark curls flying. "Maura, what –? I thought you were in France?"

Maura stood over the body in her black scrubs, warm gold hair tied back, scalpel in her hand poised over the victim's chest. "I came back early. My parents' plans changed. Shouldn't _you _be in North Carolina?"

Jane hid her irritation at the elitist way in which Maura's adoptive parents logistically jerked her around. She shrugged. Looked back down at the file in her hands. "Plans changed also," she muttered.

There was a clatter as Maura set her scalpel down and stepped around the table to approach Jane. "Was he called back to Afghanistan?" Her hazel eyes were warm with concern, and – was that indignation, as well?

"Something like that, yeah."

"Jane, I may be a terrible liar, but I certainly don't believe you right now. What happened?"

Jane impatiently pointed at the body on the exam table. "Can't we talk about this later? I've got a cold case thawing and a killer to catch."

Maura gave her a look and shook her head as she circled the exam table again to begin the Y-incision.

Jane returned her gaze to the file in her hands for the umpteenth time. She couldn't figure out why her brain wouldn't let go of Casey. Maura glanced up from cutting as Jane violently flipped a page.

"Jane, what happened to your hand?" Her eyes were very wide now, eyebrows raised.

Jane winced. Maura, of course, was the first to notice the scabbing scrapes on the knuckles of her left hand.

_What happened? _Jane asked herself. _What actually happened? _She hadn't stopped to really think about the course of events until just now. Her throat felt like it was closing. She swallowed.

"Jane." Maura was suddenly at her side, gently pushing down the file still in her hands. Amazing, how she could do that. With some things that took getting tackled to the floor and sedated, Maura could gain Jane's instant cooperation with the slightest touch. Jane met her eyes, and all the work she'd put in on the plane trying to wrestle her emotions into submission went out the window. She was fighting tears all over again. And in front of her best friend.

"This is so stupid." She sighed.

Maura said nothing. Only looked at her expectantly.

"I broke up with Casey." The moment those words left her lips, the idea became a reality. "Or, he broke up with me." She looked at Maura helplessly. "I'm not really sure who initiated it."

"Jane, I'm so sorry." She looked like she wanted to ask why, but was unsure of how to approach it. She looked genuinely sympathetic – concerned, even. And oddly…hopeful.

"He cheated on me," Jane blurted, before she became too choked up to speak. _Why is this so hard?_

Maura looked stunned for a moment. Completely thrown. "Jane, I thought…I thought he was going to propose. I assumed he was taking you on this trip to ask you to marry him."

"I thought so, too," Jane confessed in a whisper. Maura's hand was on her upper arm, then, stroking lightly. Jane inhaled sharply, then caught herself. Her heart and stomach fluttered; heat spread across her chest. "Can – can we talk about this later? I'd like to get the ball rolling on this autopsy at some point this year."

Maura looked startled for a moment, and her hand stilled on Jane's arm. Then she broke into a chuckle as she recognized Jane's sarcasm. She returned to the exam table, and resumed cutting.

They made surprisingly little headway that day after visiting the crime scene and conducting the initial autopsy. Jane sat at her desk, chin propped on fist, and reviewed the cold case file yet again.

"Jane, go home," Korsak said, watching her. "We'll start fresh tomorrow morning."

Jane let out a morose sigh. She didn't want to go back to her apartment to spend more time by herself. She didn't want to lose any more sleep over Casey.

"Jane."

"Alright. Going," Jane said, rising from her seat and starting to pack up.

Her phone buzzed. Maura wanted to see Jane in her office.

Jane texted back. _Sure. One sec._ She shrugged her blazer back on and headed for the elevator.

"You look exhausted, Jane," Maura remarked as Jane stepped into her office, home to Danish Modern furnishings and tribal masks. She sat down on the couch, unaware that Maura was watching her, observing every subtle nuance of her posture, facial expressions, and movements. Maura got up from her desk and sat down beside her.

"I didn't hear much from you. Was there nothing new you were able to find?" Maura asked. Small talk was never a strong suit for either of them.

Jane shook her head and rubbed her face with both hands, sighing melodramatically. "I remember now why it ended up a cold case to begin with. This guy's good."

Maura reached up and took Jane's left hand away from her face. She held it, palm down, staring intently at the scabs and bruising on her knuckles. Jane's hand began to tremble slightly the longer Maura held it.

"It still hurts, doesn't it?"

"It's a little sore," Jane admitted. She flashed a cavalier smile that unwittingly made Maura's heart squeeze in her chest.

"You have got to tell me what happened."

She tried to pull her hand away from Maura's warm touch, but the medical examiner gripped it just a little tighter and held it firmly in her lap. She was not letting Jane off the hook this time.

Jane huffed, impatient. "I think I punched Casey in the face."

"You think?"

"I was…really upset, okay? I might've blacked out. But I think I remember taking a swing at his face."

"Oh, Jane."

Jane shifted. Took a breath. "It's weird, though."

"What is?"

"Just that, all this time, I was convinced that I loved him. That I would do whatever he asked, because I cared that much about him. But now that I play it back in my head, I'm not so sure." She met Maura's eyes to see if her friend was following along. She looked a little lost. But Jane's hand was still captive in both of Maura's, so she had to keep going. To keep attempting to explain. "I thought that, when the time came, and he asked me to marry him, I would say yes. I really thought I would. But now, I realize what he really was asking of me. He wanted something that I couldn't give." She choked out a harsh laugh.

Maura's face grew pained. But there was understanding in her eyes. There was compassion. So much compassion. Jane's throat ached at the sight of it.

"He said he wanted a woman who could be a wife first, Maura."

"He wasn't looking for another warrior," Maura concluded for her.

Jane nodded. She felt tremendously relieved that Maura understood so thoroughly. She was weak with it. _But why should there be any doubt? She's always understood you better than anyone._

"I think that's why I felt so claustrophobic when he started talking about settling down. Some part of me knew, even then, that he'd eventually want me to give up my job. What he didn't really understand was that it's a part of me, like my arms, like my legs. This job's in my heart, and anybody who wants to be with me is gonna have to be okay with sharing space in my heart with what I do." With that, she pitched forward and set her chin on her hand, elbow propped up on her knees. "I just…the whole plane ride – even though it was after midnight – I stayed awake trying to convince myself that all that time with him wasn't worth it. That he wasn't worth it. That it wasn't worth losing sleep over him. Ironic, huh?"

"Cognitive dissonance," Maura said.

Jane's head swiveled. "Come again?"

"When we set our minds on a particular desire that then becomes unattainable, the mind abruptly switches gears to lessen the emotional impact of disappointment by making less of the object of our initial desire. It's basically when reality and expectations don't meet up."

"Oh," Jane replied. "Guess that pretty much sums up life, doesn't it?" She set her chin back on her hand.

It hurt Maura to see her looking so defeated. _She genuinely thinks she somehow deserved this,_ the medical examiner thought. She placed a hand on Jane's shoulder, but didn't speak immediately. Instead she made note of the tension in Jane's back and shoulders, a fierce physical testament to the rigid, resolute dedication that Jane had to her work. This was the woman who, rather than wallow in self-pity, took to soonest flight back to Boston and walked into work promptly the next morning with presumably no sleep. Maura closed her eyes and felt an abrupt flush of heat originate at her body's core and spread outward. Frustration. At Jane for being so blind for so long to what really mattered. But she would always forgive Jane. Anger. At Casey, for having the gall to ask Jane to abandon the most essential parts of herself.

She sighed and ran her hand lightly along the firm plane of Jane's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Jane."

The detective snorted. "Why? I just managed to drive away yet another potential mate."

"For maintaining your integrity. For not compromising what makes you who you are in order to please someone else." She hesitated, unsure of whether she should go on. Moved a strand of Jane's hair away from her neck to buy time. Then she plunged ahead. "I've always admired that about you. It's even scared me sometimes, how uncompromising you are. But it's where your strength is. In your self-assurance and your integrity."

Jane lifted her head and looked at her with a tired smile. "Thanks, Maura. Means a lot."

Maura smiled back. "I have something for you."

"Maura…tell me you didn't bring back another bottle of rancid vinegar posing as French wine."

Maura laughed. "No, Jane. It's much better."

"You didn't _have _to get me anything."

Maura crossed the room to her desk and knelt behind it. "But that's not the point of a gift, now is it, Jane? Besides, this is the last time I come back with anything for you."

Jane gasped in mock offense. "What did I _do_?"

"Next time I go to France," she said as she rose from behind the desk, a neatly wrapped box in hand, "you're coming with me. I insist." She beamed from ear to ear as she handed the box over.

Jane gave a puzzled smile.

"Open it!"

Jane tore off the paper and opened the box. An exquisite black leather jacket adorned with zippers and an oversized collar lay neatly folded inside. Jane's jaw dropped.

"Put it on!" Maura ordered, still grinning.

Jane shrugged off her blazer and slowly slid her slender arms into the sleeves. It was stylishly short in the body, but the sleeves were the perfect length. "How did you…?"

Maura blushed. "I know your size pretty well. Anyway, I instantly thought of you when I saw it. Couldn't walk away."

The smell of brand new leather had filled the room. Maura loved it. She loved anticipating the way it would mingle with Jane's natural scent. She loved the way it fit her. The way it complimented her shape and her personality.

"I doubt Casey would've thought to –," but she stopped herself, her sense of adventure quelled by her sense of tact.

Jane looked up from admiring the jacket, straight into Maura's eyes. She smiled in appreciation of her boldness, even if it hardly made it past her lips. "No. He wouldn't." A single tear slipped down her cheek. "Thank you Maura. I love it." She closed the distance between them with two steps, and put her arms around the best woman she had ever known. "Thank you so much, she whispered again.

Though Maura ached at the sight of Jane's tears, she gladly returned the embrace, even reaching up to cradle the back of Jane's head with her hand. "You're welcome, Jane." She stroked the soft, dark curls. She angled her head slightly to place her lips on Jane's temple, now so close to her own face. How could anyone have asked this woman to be anything other, anything less than herself? "I love you," she said, quietly enough that she didn't expect Jane would hear.

But it didn't matter.

Jane sighed into Maura's shoulder, relaxing just a little bit more, giving in to exhaustion. She'd thought all this time that a vacation would be the thing to help her recharge. But she'd learned that the real recharging happened when she was with the people who loved her. She tightened her hold, letting another tear of gratitude fall. Perhaps Casey hadn't been worth it. But this woman most definitely was. "And I love you, Maura."

For the time being, it was enough for both of them.


End file.
